Bathing
Regarding bathing, the baby's doctor will probably tell you no water baths for the baby until the umbilical cord drops off (about a couple of weeks) - just 'dry cleaning' until then. One thing to take note is to make sure to clean the neck and behind the ears everyday. D1 never got chubby so I never had trouble with his neck. But D2 was quite chubby and even when I think I have cleaned his neck properly, I still find stuff in there. You really have to make them turn their head this way and that (they don’t like it one bit), but the stuff that settle in their necks makes their skin red.
Lotion
My pediatrician is a very strong advocate about this and I agree, no lotions of any sort, no matter how natural the claim on the bottle. I just use almond oil (any organic oil will do - coconut and in a crunch even olive oil). I buy almond oil from an Asian grocery store, much cheaper than getting it from a wholefoods kind of store. J&J Mineral oil is a big fat No No. The molecules are too fine and tend to plug the pores, as compared to the organic oils which are literally fatter and stay on the surface where they need to be to provide a protective layer.
A new baby has very dry and thin skin. So I would put a little oil on it, but not on the creases (which look so red and raw). This goes away though and in a week or so the skin starts looking better (may still be dry though).
Soap
My pediatrician repeated this to me almost every time I took the baby in. The best soap is Ivory soap. Plain old ivory soap. Not even J&J baby soap. Ivory soap is supposed to be the most gentle soap in the market. I used it for both D1 and D2 and it certainly didn’t dry out their skin.
Ear Infections
Here I will unfortunately be of very little help. I was lucky enough that D1 and D2 didn’t get their first ear infection until Kindergarten. Which is apparently quite common.
Colds
When they do get colds, you know they can’t have any medications so the best you can do is use the little bulb to clear their nasal passages. Especially before nursing or feeding, so they can drink some milk. For sleep, when D1 was in the crib, I would hang his mattress so it was on a higher rung on one side and a lower one of the other side (just one rung apart though). Then make sure to put him to bed at the bottom of the crib, so his feet are close to the end. He is going to slide down anyway, but this way I can be sure he won’t get buried under a blanket or something. In the cradle I put a big book under one end to make a slight angle. It helps them breath easier.
Diaper Bags
I got a big bag from Lands End. It was nice, but I usually don’t need to use such a big bag. But that is because I really didn’t take the baby out for long periods of time. I usually did really short excursions between meals. So most feedings were at home for example, I rarely fed him outside the home. But depending on how you plan to spend your days you may want to think of the size of the bag. They are useful (although I don’t carry mine all the time). But one thing I would recommend if you think you will be using yours a lot is getting one that is like a backpack. It is quite a pain to have a bag hang from one shoulder and balance the baby on the other side, especially when you have to carry the baby in the carseat. It seems the bag is constantly slipping off. Big pain.
Sleeping
For sleeping I referred to a book called Sleeping Through the Night by Jodi Mindell. I read the book and then took stuff from Your Self-Confident Baby by Magda Gerber and Allison Johnson and developed my own plan for self-soothing and started from there. Go with what feels right for you. But remember don’t chose an option just because you are chicken about making tough decisions for your kid. Some tough love goes a long way in keeping both of you sane.
When I was expecting D1 I read and read up stuff. I knew nothing about babies. The stuff I am writing are things that worked for me and helped me out.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Baby Care - 2
Bottle Feeding
I decided to breastfeed. But it was very difficult. I can now admit to myself that I was not one of those women who produce copious amounts of milk. And if I had a do-over, I would still nurse, but supplement with formula, even if it meant that I would have become dry faster.
I respect people's decision to bottle feed (pretty much everyone else in my family did), but there is something special about nursing too, the thought that you are producing the essential food for your baby and providing all kinds of immunity for them. But aside from that, it just as wonderful to bottle feed them when they cuddle up with you.
When my kids were a few months, they both had to do some bottle feeding when I returned to work and they went to day cares. For bottles we decided to go with the bottles where you put in a liner. I knew before D1 would be a year old we would be traveling to India. While I would have to sterilize the nipples myself, at least eliminating the bottles for sterilizing was a huge break.
Regarding nipple selection, there are tons of them out there, but I chose the bottle with the liner and they only have a couple of nipples to choose from, I offered it to my kid and that was that. I don't think kids are as fussy about nipples and stuff as the manufacturers would like us to believe. When the babies are hungry, the milk is the right temperature, and it flows through when they suck = Happy Baby
It ended up having another advantage I had never thought of, as they got a little older and were able to sit up. They liked to drink from their bottle sitting up, whether I was holding them or they were sitting up by themselves. Since the liner simply works on suction, they can keep sucking the nipple and the milk with keep flowing. One of by boys also like to keep sucking even when the milk was over. Just for the fun of it. BTW, also easier to get the air out of the bottle.
The reason I say this was an unexpected surprise was because when I switched them to cups, the never noticed that they had to sit up now as opposed to lying down to drink.
Another decision I made with D1 and later with D2 was to switch them from milk bottles to bottles with straws. For one thing they have a very similar look, although it still takes them a couple of tries to figure out how to suck through the straw. Again, they didn't have to learn yet another thing, tip the cup to drink. They simply held the bottle straight like they did with their milk bottle and drank.
My reasoning for a straw bottle was again our trip to India. I didn't want to carry a bunch of sippy cups and a package of straws is so much easier to handle. Not to mention any place we go I could get my kids to drink even in the absence of a sippy cup. Those days, people in India still did the simple way, kids didn't use sippy cups. Nowadays, they are pretty common.
Sleeping
D2 was so good about sleeping I forgot how consuming an issue it can be. D1 was really difficult in that regard. Babies sleep 16 hours the first few days, I don't know when those hours were when D1 was a baby. You may get lucky and get a sleeper.
But if you don't, just remember one thing, whatever method you choose to soothe the baby you are going to be stuck with it for a long time. So choose wisely. Walking the floor and rocking and singing seems very easy when they are only 8 lbs and fall asleep in 5 minutes. Soon they are 15 lbs and getting bigger and take longer to fall asleep and before you know it, you are pacing the floor for an hour and more, and several times in the night. So do think about this one issue seriously.
We decided that D1 and D2 had to learn to soothe themselves as soon as they were 6 weeks old. This can become a major issue if you get a sleep resister, like D1 was and still is at 10 years old. Especially because it cuts into your rest, and I believe you cannot be a good parent when you are sleep deprived and exhausted (some amount of exhaustion is to be expected, but not to the point where it begins to affect judgement, which is what was happening with D1).
Putting babies down to sleep has nothing to do with the debate on holding babies. I believe when they are awake and they want to be held, hold them. They like being held up and being able to see the world from a different view. But if they are happy and staring at the wall and not fussing, let them be. Even if you cannot understand what is so fascinating about the wall, so what, let your baby have her enjoyment.
Another thing to remember is baby's sleeping patterns are not uniform. That is just because they started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks, doesn't mean that at 3 months he will not start fussing again at night. Usually, babies have sleep disruptions during growth spurts - brain growth wise. This is especially stark when they are about 9 months old. That is the first time, they begin to recognize, familiar faces and strangers. And for the first time they become uncomfortable with strangers. They usually start waking up at night again for a few weeks.
More on baby sleeping myths. They are not quiet, in fact, they are quite noisy, even when sound asleep. In that first year, when they go from sleeping 16 hour days to 4 naps a day and down to 2 naps a day. That again doesn't happen on some predetermined schedule written in a book. I believe if you find some balance between learning your kids tired cues and sticking to some kind of pattern regarding sleep times and rituals, they will do reasonably well. Will this work every sleep time? No! For one thing, they may be getting ready to give up a naptime. They can't do this overnight. So some days they will nap 3 times, some days 2 times, some days 3 times, but one really short one. It takes a while. Sometimes they won't nap, but you know they need their rest, so you can say, even if you don't want to nap, this is rest time and you can lie down quietly and/or look at a book. Many times, just quieting down puts them to sleep, if not, they have still rested enough so the rest of they is not painful for all.
Another debate is co-sleeping. People all over the world do it, it is natural. However, that doesn't mean it is always the best choice. I started co-sleeping with D1, but like I mentioned earlier, I don't know when his 16 hours of sleep began. So within a few short days, I was so sleep deprived I was walking around like a zombie. One night he fussed in bed and I thought I nursed them. I heard him fussing again and thought, didn't I just feed him. I hadn't fed him, what I had done was fling the comforter away from me and it was over him. That's when I decided sitting up at night and feeding him was better than having him with me. We both actually did better after I moved him to his own crib, although he was still in our room.
The hardest part of parenting at this time is not having any control on your own time. It is so totally tied to your baby's schedule. And if that isn't bad enough, you get a million comparisons from people about how this baby is doing this and that baby is doing that. Sometimes we get so caught up with that and start feeling guilty that you are not being a good enough parent. You should be doing more. But the simple truth is, you are doing just fine with your kid if you enjoy being with him.
Unfortunately, because we don't know what we are doing most of the time we start feeling guilty. Remember this, parenting is about feeling worried and guilty all the time. If you can overcome this emotion, you are home free, the rest is easy.
I decided to breastfeed. But it was very difficult. I can now admit to myself that I was not one of those women who produce copious amounts of milk. And if I had a do-over, I would still nurse, but supplement with formula, even if it meant that I would have become dry faster.
I respect people's decision to bottle feed (pretty much everyone else in my family did), but there is something special about nursing too, the thought that you are producing the essential food for your baby and providing all kinds of immunity for them. But aside from that, it just as wonderful to bottle feed them when they cuddle up with you.
When my kids were a few months, they both had to do some bottle feeding when I returned to work and they went to day cares. For bottles we decided to go with the bottles where you put in a liner. I knew before D1 would be a year old we would be traveling to India. While I would have to sterilize the nipples myself, at least eliminating the bottles for sterilizing was a huge break.
Regarding nipple selection, there are tons of them out there, but I chose the bottle with the liner and they only have a couple of nipples to choose from, I offered it to my kid and that was that. I don't think kids are as fussy about nipples and stuff as the manufacturers would like us to believe. When the babies are hungry, the milk is the right temperature, and it flows through when they suck = Happy Baby
It ended up having another advantage I had never thought of, as they got a little older and were able to sit up. They liked to drink from their bottle sitting up, whether I was holding them or they were sitting up by themselves. Since the liner simply works on suction, they can keep sucking the nipple and the milk with keep flowing. One of by boys also like to keep sucking even when the milk was over. Just for the fun of it. BTW, also easier to get the air out of the bottle.
The reason I say this was an unexpected surprise was because when I switched them to cups, the never noticed that they had to sit up now as opposed to lying down to drink.
Another decision I made with D1 and later with D2 was to switch them from milk bottles to bottles with straws. For one thing they have a very similar look, although it still takes them a couple of tries to figure out how to suck through the straw. Again, they didn't have to learn yet another thing, tip the cup to drink. They simply held the bottle straight like they did with their milk bottle and drank.
My reasoning for a straw bottle was again our trip to India. I didn't want to carry a bunch of sippy cups and a package of straws is so much easier to handle. Not to mention any place we go I could get my kids to drink even in the absence of a sippy cup. Those days, people in India still did the simple way, kids didn't use sippy cups. Nowadays, they are pretty common.
Sleeping
D2 was so good about sleeping I forgot how consuming an issue it can be. D1 was really difficult in that regard. Babies sleep 16 hours the first few days, I don't know when those hours were when D1 was a baby. You may get lucky and get a sleeper.
But if you don't, just remember one thing, whatever method you choose to soothe the baby you are going to be stuck with it for a long time. So choose wisely. Walking the floor and rocking and singing seems very easy when they are only 8 lbs and fall asleep in 5 minutes. Soon they are 15 lbs and getting bigger and take longer to fall asleep and before you know it, you are pacing the floor for an hour and more, and several times in the night. So do think about this one issue seriously.
We decided that D1 and D2 had to learn to soothe themselves as soon as they were 6 weeks old. This can become a major issue if you get a sleep resister, like D1 was and still is at 10 years old. Especially because it cuts into your rest, and I believe you cannot be a good parent when you are sleep deprived and exhausted (some amount of exhaustion is to be expected, but not to the point where it begins to affect judgement, which is what was happening with D1).
Putting babies down to sleep has nothing to do with the debate on holding babies. I believe when they are awake and they want to be held, hold them. They like being held up and being able to see the world from a different view. But if they are happy and staring at the wall and not fussing, let them be. Even if you cannot understand what is so fascinating about the wall, so what, let your baby have her enjoyment.
Another thing to remember is baby's sleeping patterns are not uniform. That is just because they started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks, doesn't mean that at 3 months he will not start fussing again at night. Usually, babies have sleep disruptions during growth spurts - brain growth wise. This is especially stark when they are about 9 months old. That is the first time, they begin to recognize, familiar faces and strangers. And for the first time they become uncomfortable with strangers. They usually start waking up at night again for a few weeks.
More on baby sleeping myths. They are not quiet, in fact, they are quite noisy, even when sound asleep. In that first year, when they go from sleeping 16 hour days to 4 naps a day and down to 2 naps a day. That again doesn't happen on some predetermined schedule written in a book. I believe if you find some balance between learning your kids tired cues and sticking to some kind of pattern regarding sleep times and rituals, they will do reasonably well. Will this work every sleep time? No! For one thing, they may be getting ready to give up a naptime. They can't do this overnight. So some days they will nap 3 times, some days 2 times, some days 3 times, but one really short one. It takes a while. Sometimes they won't nap, but you know they need their rest, so you can say, even if you don't want to nap, this is rest time and you can lie down quietly and/or look at a book. Many times, just quieting down puts them to sleep, if not, they have still rested enough so the rest of they is not painful for all.
Another debate is co-sleeping. People all over the world do it, it is natural. However, that doesn't mean it is always the best choice. I started co-sleeping with D1, but like I mentioned earlier, I don't know when his 16 hours of sleep began. So within a few short days, I was so sleep deprived I was walking around like a zombie. One night he fussed in bed and I thought I nursed them. I heard him fussing again and thought, didn't I just feed him. I hadn't fed him, what I had done was fling the comforter away from me and it was over him. That's when I decided sitting up at night and feeding him was better than having him with me. We both actually did better after I moved him to his own crib, although he was still in our room.
The hardest part of parenting at this time is not having any control on your own time. It is so totally tied to your baby's schedule. And if that isn't bad enough, you get a million comparisons from people about how this baby is doing this and that baby is doing that. Sometimes we get so caught up with that and start feeling guilty that you are not being a good enough parent. You should be doing more. But the simple truth is, you are doing just fine with your kid if you enjoy being with him.
Unfortunately, because we don't know what we are doing most of the time we start feeling guilty. Remember this, parenting is about feeling worried and guilty all the time. If you can overcome this emotion, you are home free, the rest is easy.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Baby Care - 1
When my first baby boy was born, like many other moms, I read a ton of books, got wanted and unwanted advice from family and friends. At that time I was also big into keeping notes on my babies growth. So as a natural byproduct for me, I started to keep notes on things I found useful from various books, websites, friends, and family. The places are too numerous to list, and this was 10 years ago, so I couldn't even track down references if I wanted to.
I found my own notes useful when my second baby boy came. Its amazing how much I had to read through them again and again. I have also passed these notes around to friends who have told me it was quite useful to them. I know of at least one friend to forwarded it to her friend. For all I know, this stuff is now randomly floating around in cyberspace going from new mom to new mom. If so, I am so happy for them if they find any of it useful.
Enough of about this and now to my notes...
Cloth Diapers
I used them with my first baby D1 the first 2 months but not with my next baby D2. D1 was so sensitive to the cloth diapers that he would wake up every time he was wet (other babies I know just sleep right through), so little D1 did not get to sleep well for the first 2 months. I guess he just did not like that damp feeling. Not that I blame him. As soon as I switched to disposables, he started sleeping better. It might have been great for toilet training, because D1 was already starting to cry before he peed even at 2 months. But since he was going to be in daycare all day, and in the Us people don't believe in toilet training kids this early, there was no point in pursuing it. But maybe if I was a stay at home mom. Don't believe all those myths about toilet training can't happen till they are 3 years old. I have seen 6 or 7 month old babies in India, who cry and then when taken to the bathroom do their business there. No diapers nothing. Do accidents happen, you bet. But think about how many diapers and landfills you save.
Wipes
With both my boys I used large cotton rounds (the kind you use for make up etc), with warm water for the first few weeks. No commercial wipes for at least 2 months. Their skins are so sensitive that even the no alcohol, no scent etc version causes rashes. It did for both my babies.
Changing diapers - Just change the baby every time she wakes. Dont worry if she poops and then promptly falls asleep. If you are nursing, her poop will not cause a rash and when they are this little the sleep is more important than changing the diaper.
Crying Baby
Babies may cry because they are hungry, have to burp, need to poop (this is an ordeal for some reason), need to sleep (they need to soothe themselves like this for some reason). If you pay attention and take a few moments to figure out what they need when they cry, you will soon be able to figure out the differences in their cries. They are actually different for hunger, sleep, burp, poop. Its their own special language. Ask any mom who's babies have outgrown that stage, they can read those signs just fine in other babies, even if they were too emotionally close to do it for their own, like me.
Talk to Your Baby
Talk to the baby about everything related to them in a normal voice and avoid nonsense words or mangling them. Especially things you are going to do to them or when they are around. Like if you are going to turn the tap on, and she is in the room or you are holding her, let her know in words that you are going to turn the tap on. D1 used to cry at sudden sounds, but when I talked to him about it, he was calm, but if I forgot to tell him he still cried. This will serve you well as they grow up. For eg., always tell the baby when you are leaving them and will be back after whatever task is done, or time or whatever. Just remind them you will return. When they are real little they don’t react to this much, because they don’t really understand it. That's the best time to start, because they start getting used to hearing it. But soon enough they will understand your words and still cry because they don’t want to be separated. But what this will teach them very early in life is that you will come back to them. Don’t forget to add this, I am leaving, but I will be back before your nap or after your nap or whatever and Daddy, friend whoever will take care of you. They need to learn that you will return, and they will not learn this if you try to sneak out on them everytime and when they turn around looking for you, you have disappeared on them. Imagine how scary that must be for them. They need to trust you and feel comforted in knowing you will return to them. And they do learn this. It is very reassuring for parent and kid when this happens. Trust me, this happens a lot earlier when you talk to them about it, but a lot later when you don’t. I am not saying this will mean no tears when daycare/preschool/kindergarten will start. But they will be more confident in their trust in you.
You don't believe me? When my D1 was less than 2 months old and I changed his diapers, I would say, I am going to change your diaper, I am going to open the snaps followed by the action etc. When I lifted his legs I would say, up, up up. When both my boys were only 4 or 5 weeks old, they started trying to lift their legs for the diaper change when they heard the words up, up, up. Before I even held their feet to lift them up. It was adorable, they were trying so hard to help me (even when they are that little).
Burps
I was lucky, my boys were not big burpers, so I pretty much only burped them when the whole meal was done. After you figure out how your baby responds, burp her a lot or a little. Like between breast changes or before the whole bottle is done or every 5 minutes. If they have a huge burp stuck, they can't eat any more, they squirm a lot, and they can't fall asleep. What's worse (at least as a mom, although I think it doesn't harm them), is to see this big burp get released and out comes this gush of milk from their mouth, and you think oh no, they are losing their milk. But it is only a small part of what they have eaten.
Warmth
You know lot of books and nurses will tell you babies need to be at temperatures like we find comfortable. What I have realized is that yes, you can keep the house temperature comfortable for you, but make sure the baby has another extra layer on. It may not be for warmth, but they sure like the snugness of being cuddled in.
Which leads me to the next thing, when you bring the baby home from the hospital, receiving blankets are great. But don't go out and buy a ton of them, because after just a couple of weeks, they grow so much, they cant fit into them and whats more, they don't like them any more (at least mine didn't). Although they both loved it the first week.
When D1 was born, he was so skinny, he had almost no baby fat on him. For the few couple of days, he was using all his energy just to stay alive and was gaining no weight. I called a nurse, and she asked me to get him naked and place him on my naked belly so his body doesn't need to worry about producing warmth and can now use his food to gain weight. After just a few days, we were out of the woods.
Milk Supply
I decided to nurse, and I struggled with D1, but with D2 it has been a breeze. Was it because I had a better lactation consultant who stayed with me when D2 was born and took the time to get things started right. She told me the first two days are critical on how things progress. But I didn't get that the first time around. And apparently I was not Mother Earth material where things just fell into place regarding nursing. In retrospect I think, I shouldn't have put such a big stresser on me to nurse. I should have tried a mixture of nursing and bottle feeding, or when things were just not going too well for me, turn to bottle feeding. Having said that, during their regular check ups they were progressing just fine along the growth chart, so I guess, even if you feel things are not going well, they might be.
Make sure to drink a glass of something cool every time you nurse, and try to fit in another glass of water in between nursings too. You will find you need to use the bathroom a lot too. Make it part of your ritual. Trust me if you do the same thing every time, the baby will stay calm. When D2 was hungry, I would say to him, ok, I need to use the bathroom and get a glass of water and he waited for me and his crying had stopped. If I did get delayed for something else along the way then he got mad and let me know he had waited long enough.
I can't stress this often enough, so long as you do the same thing every time they will wait. D1 used to wake up so early in the morning, I just felt I had to wash my face and brush my teeth before I could deal with him. So every morning when he woke up crying, I would say, I need to wash my face etc, and you know what? he waited the full 10 minutes it took me without crying, waiting to be feed. I did this every morning, he heard me talking and the noise from the tap etc and he waited. Every morning, same thing. Babies love routine, same thing, same thing. This is sometimes hard on us, because after a while all the feedings, diaper changes seem to merge together and you cant remember, did I nurse on the left or the right. It seems you nursed and nursed. You feel brain dead, because you may been doing so many more multitasking, brain stimulating activities before baby. But they love it.
I called the lactation hotline tons of times with D1 and the first few weeks with D2 too. So if your hospital/clinic has one use it. If not there is always, La Leche League. They are a nation wide organization. Look them up in your area. Trust me it helps so much.
I found my own notes useful when my second baby boy came. Its amazing how much I had to read through them again and again. I have also passed these notes around to friends who have told me it was quite useful to them. I know of at least one friend to forwarded it to her friend. For all I know, this stuff is now randomly floating around in cyberspace going from new mom to new mom. If so, I am so happy for them if they find any of it useful.
Enough of about this and now to my notes...
Cloth Diapers
I used them with my first baby D1 the first 2 months but not with my next baby D2. D1 was so sensitive to the cloth diapers that he would wake up every time he was wet (other babies I know just sleep right through), so little D1 did not get to sleep well for the first 2 months. I guess he just did not like that damp feeling. Not that I blame him. As soon as I switched to disposables, he started sleeping better. It might have been great for toilet training, because D1 was already starting to cry before he peed even at 2 months. But since he was going to be in daycare all day, and in the Us people don't believe in toilet training kids this early, there was no point in pursuing it. But maybe if I was a stay at home mom. Don't believe all those myths about toilet training can't happen till they are 3 years old. I have seen 6 or 7 month old babies in India, who cry and then when taken to the bathroom do their business there. No diapers nothing. Do accidents happen, you bet. But think about how many diapers and landfills you save.
Wipes
With both my boys I used large cotton rounds (the kind you use for make up etc), with warm water for the first few weeks. No commercial wipes for at least 2 months. Their skins are so sensitive that even the no alcohol, no scent etc version causes rashes. It did for both my babies.
Changing diapers - Just change the baby every time she wakes. Dont worry if she poops and then promptly falls asleep. If you are nursing, her poop will not cause a rash and when they are this little the sleep is more important than changing the diaper.
Crying Baby
Babies may cry because they are hungry, have to burp, need to poop (this is an ordeal for some reason), need to sleep (they need to soothe themselves like this for some reason). If you pay attention and take a few moments to figure out what they need when they cry, you will soon be able to figure out the differences in their cries. They are actually different for hunger, sleep, burp, poop. Its their own special language. Ask any mom who's babies have outgrown that stage, they can read those signs just fine in other babies, even if they were too emotionally close to do it for their own, like me.
Talk to Your Baby
Talk to the baby about everything related to them in a normal voice and avoid nonsense words or mangling them. Especially things you are going to do to them or when they are around. Like if you are going to turn the tap on, and she is in the room or you are holding her, let her know in words that you are going to turn the tap on. D1 used to cry at sudden sounds, but when I talked to him about it, he was calm, but if I forgot to tell him he still cried. This will serve you well as they grow up. For eg., always tell the baby when you are leaving them and will be back after whatever task is done, or time or whatever. Just remind them you will return. When they are real little they don’t react to this much, because they don’t really understand it. That's the best time to start, because they start getting used to hearing it. But soon enough they will understand your words and still cry because they don’t want to be separated. But what this will teach them very early in life is that you will come back to them. Don’t forget to add this, I am leaving, but I will be back before your nap or after your nap or whatever and Daddy, friend whoever will take care of you. They need to learn that you will return, and they will not learn this if you try to sneak out on them everytime and when they turn around looking for you, you have disappeared on them. Imagine how scary that must be for them. They need to trust you and feel comforted in knowing you will return to them. And they do learn this. It is very reassuring for parent and kid when this happens. Trust me, this happens a lot earlier when you talk to them about it, but a lot later when you don’t. I am not saying this will mean no tears when daycare/preschool/kindergarten will start. But they will be more confident in their trust in you.
You don't believe me? When my D1 was less than 2 months old and I changed his diapers, I would say, I am going to change your diaper, I am going to open the snaps followed by the action etc. When I lifted his legs I would say, up, up up. When both my boys were only 4 or 5 weeks old, they started trying to lift their legs for the diaper change when they heard the words up, up, up. Before I even held their feet to lift them up. It was adorable, they were trying so hard to help me (even when they are that little).
Burps
I was lucky, my boys were not big burpers, so I pretty much only burped them when the whole meal was done. After you figure out how your baby responds, burp her a lot or a little. Like between breast changes or before the whole bottle is done or every 5 minutes. If they have a huge burp stuck, they can't eat any more, they squirm a lot, and they can't fall asleep. What's worse (at least as a mom, although I think it doesn't harm them), is to see this big burp get released and out comes this gush of milk from their mouth, and you think oh no, they are losing their milk. But it is only a small part of what they have eaten.
Warmth
You know lot of books and nurses will tell you babies need to be at temperatures like we find comfortable. What I have realized is that yes, you can keep the house temperature comfortable for you, but make sure the baby has another extra layer on. It may not be for warmth, but they sure like the snugness of being cuddled in.
Which leads me to the next thing, when you bring the baby home from the hospital, receiving blankets are great. But don't go out and buy a ton of them, because after just a couple of weeks, they grow so much, they cant fit into them and whats more, they don't like them any more (at least mine didn't). Although they both loved it the first week.
When D1 was born, he was so skinny, he had almost no baby fat on him. For the few couple of days, he was using all his energy just to stay alive and was gaining no weight. I called a nurse, and she asked me to get him naked and place him on my naked belly so his body doesn't need to worry about producing warmth and can now use his food to gain weight. After just a few days, we were out of the woods.
Milk Supply
I decided to nurse, and I struggled with D1, but with D2 it has been a breeze. Was it because I had a better lactation consultant who stayed with me when D2 was born and took the time to get things started right. She told me the first two days are critical on how things progress. But I didn't get that the first time around. And apparently I was not Mother Earth material where things just fell into place regarding nursing. In retrospect I think, I shouldn't have put such a big stresser on me to nurse. I should have tried a mixture of nursing and bottle feeding, or when things were just not going too well for me, turn to bottle feeding. Having said that, during their regular check ups they were progressing just fine along the growth chart, so I guess, even if you feel things are not going well, they might be.
Make sure to drink a glass of something cool every time you nurse, and try to fit in another glass of water in between nursings too. You will find you need to use the bathroom a lot too. Make it part of your ritual. Trust me if you do the same thing every time, the baby will stay calm. When D2 was hungry, I would say to him, ok, I need to use the bathroom and get a glass of water and he waited for me and his crying had stopped. If I did get delayed for something else along the way then he got mad and let me know he had waited long enough.
I can't stress this often enough, so long as you do the same thing every time they will wait. D1 used to wake up so early in the morning, I just felt I had to wash my face and brush my teeth before I could deal with him. So every morning when he woke up crying, I would say, I need to wash my face etc, and you know what? he waited the full 10 minutes it took me without crying, waiting to be feed. I did this every morning, he heard me talking and the noise from the tap etc and he waited. Every morning, same thing. Babies love routine, same thing, same thing. This is sometimes hard on us, because after a while all the feedings, diaper changes seem to merge together and you cant remember, did I nurse on the left or the right. It seems you nursed and nursed. You feel brain dead, because you may been doing so many more multitasking, brain stimulating activities before baby. But they love it.
I called the lactation hotline tons of times with D1 and the first few weeks with D2 too. So if your hospital/clinic has one use it. If not there is always, La Leche League. They are a nation wide organization. Look them up in your area. Trust me it helps so much.
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